Chesterville note 1

I've been procrastinating on this blog writing. It isn't for lack of experiences, no. More it's because I have felt so much in one small window of time that I really don't want to deal with it. Emotions... scare me. They're like something (try to remember this from when you were little) on Ripley's Believe It or Not or something. They are so obviously real and happening, yet you are trying with all your might to deny them into nonexistence because of how weird they make you feel.

Here's why I hate emotions and try to avoid them. There are two possible outcomes:

1) Sorrow. Let's just ask, who the hell wants to get to this point in the first place? I also lump anger into this category because anger stems from disappointment and I believe at the root of disappointment is sorrow. So yeah this option is usually a terrible experience. I don't count the days when I just want to yank my comforter over my head and hide for hours as.. successes.

2) Joy. Now, this looks like it would work out, however, things that are joyful are temporary. I simply can't handle the thought that what may currently taste so good will most definitely fade away. Or worse, maybe your perception and value of something joyful isn't the same as someone you think should also be feeling joy like you are. This then leads to sorrow, which is sucky option 1. 

Welcome. To the ever beaming perception of a realist who never chose to be one. 

However...

Like many of the things I say and probably do frequently, I'm wrong. Both these scenarios are limited and can very much be flipped; sorrow is only the absence of things that are joyful, and things that are joyful don't have to most definitely end. These situations are only fabricated and potential avenues of self-defense.

Well, I'm gonna take a shot in the dark and say that self-protection is DEFINITELY not worth the potential  of having to deal with sadness. Emotions affirm the fact that we're alive.

I'd rather know that I'm alive than waste away days doing nothing.

So I guess they'll be more blogs to come.

*I'm going to use the word Chesterville to describe my experiences in Chesterfield that more reflect my thoughts and imagination rather than reality. (author's note).